The Bun Life - New Column Debuts "Dear Baby Fwan," Issues Flying Off The News Stands!

We here at The Bun Life are so very excited to finally sign Dr. Baby Fwan Hippowitz (I really just mean Baby Fwan) to our staff. Baby Fwan will be authoring a column called "Dear Baby Fwan," which follows the same format as Dear Abbey and others like it. As a matter of fact, you are now reading the first installment. Each week, BF will answer 1 or more questions from viewers (or readers) that send in fan mail, email, or just start talking about us behind our back. So, without further a due (or is it 'a dew', 'adew', or even 'ah-doo'??) here is this week with DBF:

Fan Mail Question: "Dear Baby Fwan, I am hoping you can help. You are so knowledgeable, courageous, and an inspiration to us women, I read your column all the time. My problem is my husbun. He is a typical man, sleeps all day, leaves the lid up on the litterbox, and is downright aggressive at dinner time. He is a control freak also, he won't even let me leave our enclosure, he even put a large fence up around the whole thing made of metal! Isn't that bunny-napping or something? I feel unloved, I know that is typical of English lops, but I am trying not to be racist or judgmental. I tried to get a restraining order against him, but the courts said we were "bonded" and the clerk said I was "S-O-L" but I don't know what that even means. What should I do Baby Fwan??" Love always, Precious in Seattle


Baby Fwan Responds


Dear Precious,

Sorry to hear about your whatever, must be tough. How could you read my column all the time if this is the first one? Something tells me you're blowing smoke up my 'tocks. Anyway, honey you need to get your own identity. Ever hear the old saying, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything?" Me neither. Anyway, men are always going to be fat, lazy slobs who think about one thing and one thing only: yup, CARROTS! Ever hear the old proverb about the stick and the carrot? Me neither, but I hear it is pretty cool, and basically says you can get anybun to do anything by using a combination of punches and carrots. Pretty cool right? You have to get out of this relationship, maybe you could fake being barbered? Does he have any life insurance? Without knowing every detail it is hard for me to give you specific answers. I encourage you to write back to me again and divulge some of this stuff to me. Who knows, maybe we can run away together, somewhere where we are free to roam without getting picked up. Ahhh, a girl can dream can't she?

BF

5 comments:

  1. Dear Baby Fwan,
    Can I get the Hot Lotto picks for the next drawing please?

    Thanks so much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blowing smoke up my tocks?! HAH! idk what SOL means, but Sogna feels Precious's pain. I think maybe those are all just husbun things.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Baby Fwan, pumpernickle princess,
    Perhaps you can help me with a problem.

    I'm frequently told by my mommy in a rather harsh tone that my digging in the carpet is "not proper bunny behavior". Often I'll ignore her clap, or loud "NO". Like I'm going to really listen to that??? Plus, when she gets up to scold me, I give her a bunch of petulant ear-flicks, do a half-binky and gleefully run away. She's such a softy, I get away with anything!

    I don't know about stupid humans, but digging the carpet and shredding the fibers until the floor is bare is a perfectly suitable activity to me.

    What do you think???

    Sincerely, your fan, Nutmeg

    ReplyDelete
  4. pssst...Lisa...
    protect your delicate eyes!

    SOL is sh*t outta luck

    Just for your future knowledge :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Nutmeg,

    I hate to burst your bubble hun, but it sounds to me like you're being very manipulative, no? What if, while you were sleeping, she came in an reduced your cardboard cottage or shelter to rubble, and upon you're awakening, she did a little dance with a cottonball on her 'tocks, and gleefully hopped away? Would you be pissed? I bet. You ever hear the old saying, "The litterbox is either half-empty, or half-full?" Me neither, but I think you need to view things in the hocks of the other person before getting your feathers ruff....I mean getting upset, okay? Until then, best of luck!

    Baby Fwan
    Write your congressman to make Unsolicited Picking Up a Class A Felony!

    ReplyDelete

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